Love hurts

for the last two days, my nearly 7 year old cat Sassy has been panting and having trouble breathing, so today I got her to the vet and found out her heart has enlarged to twice it's normal size and is limiting her lung capacity. Her lungs are half full of fluid. We're treating her with medicine to help get rid of the fluid but there isn't really anything to do for her heart. We have to watch her closely and limit her activity. The doctor seems to think we'll know by Thursday or so if she'll be likely to pull through this. Even then she's going to be living with a heart condition. She is the sweetest animal I have ever known, and has seen me through a lot of rough times in the past few years. I can't even begin to explain how supremely terrible this feels.

I could hardly stand up when I heard the phrases 'quality of life' and 'make her more comfortable'. They're supposed to be good things, and I'm grateful to have such a nice vet who is concerned with them - but I still didn't want to have to hear them.

The Dr even kissed Sassy and told her that she loved her - we've been through a lot with this dr over the years but never anything major before. Then she told me we never know; Sassy is full of spirit and cats do have 9 lives, after all.

Happy Birthday Brother

Today would have been my brother's 35th birthday. It's hard to believe, as I will always think of him as being about 21. He had a huge personality and was always full of life. Losing a sibling is a wound that nothing can truly heal, not even time; the pain just gets more tolerable as you go along. It's a lot like having a limb amputated, I suppose; you get used to it. Just like with an amputatee who has the sensation of a phantom limb, as well, he is such a part of me that I can still feel his presence in my life even now.